A DESIRE TO REBUILD YOUR TESTIMONY

Just recently I was having a hard time and trying to figure out what Heavenly Father would have me do. I was seeking out the atonement of Jesus Christ, and this thought came to me…

Believe God hears your prayers. Hang onto that belief until you come to know without a doubt God truly hears you!

It was at that moment, I realized just how far I had come. I LOVE the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints so much. My testimony is strong and my heart is completely converted. I mentioned I was having a hard time, the beauty of going through hard times in the gospel is you still have the ability to be happy and be at peace, no matter how hard it gets.

But you must know, it wasn’t always like this…

There was a point in my life where I believed in God but was filled with so much doubt. I forgot how to trust Him. My faith wasn’t at the level it needed to be. I started to feel abandoned and as if He had forgotten about me. I would pray every night and felt nothing. I kept praying because I really had nothing to lose.

After being so broken by events that had happened in my life that took me to my lowest of all lows, I strongly remember questioning if God was even there. I couldn’t see Him, I couldn’t hear Him, so how was I supposed to know if He even did exist?

I had the deepest desire to have faith. 
That was the ONLY thing I wanted in life. 
I felt like a failure because I didn’t believe.
I felt hopeless and questioned if my testimony would ever come back.
I didn’t understand how I could lose something, that at one point was SO valuable to me.
Through this process, I doubted if my faith was ever going to return.
I honestly felt like it was gone forever and I had strayed too far.

Want to know what changed? 

I prayed every single day, without fail, because I wanted faith back more than anything.
I had a desire – A BURNING DESIRE!!!

As it says in Alma 32:27:

Just a desire can change EVERYTHING!! Anything is possible when this desire works inside of you! Desire is what gave me hope. I won’t lie to you, it wasn’t constant. My desire and faith at the beginning were shaky and unsteady but slowly and surely I was able to choose to believe that light could be found again.

I chose to believe that God was speaking to me. 
I chose to believe that He cared. 
I chose to believe He was in the tiny details of my life.

As I chose to believe He was playing a part in my life, that belief started to turn into faith. Choosing to believe something so small, like He cared about me as an individual was what it took to heal my heart. This desire led me to humility, which then led me to faith. I noticed a pattern, the more I chose to believe he was speaking to me, the more I felt a peace that was undeniable. I actually started to feel Him guiding me and protecting me. The other thing I noticed was tender mercies in the smallest of ways. But believing the simple things in life that put a smile on my face came from Him, is what made all the difference.

Sometimes we expect these big, huge answers or miracles from God and we rarely, if ever get them. It can become easy to question whether He is there. But that’s just it, while God has the ability to answer us in these HUGE ways, it’s usually in the small and simple answers that amazing things come together. And not all at once either.

Building back my testimony to the point that it was before took longer than I expected. I didn’t see changes immediately. Sometimes I felt like giving up or that it didn’t even matter. The beauty of it was that it mattered to God. He saw the effort I had been putting in and from the grace of Jesus Christ, through His atonement, I was lifted. He saw when I stumbled and He lifted me up. But it wasn’t in some huge, miraculous way. It was simple, and often times I didn’t even see it. It’s in hindsight of reflecting on these experiences that I can now see just how far I have come. Little by little, my heart has truly become converted. I’m confident that if I ever forget who I am again, I won’t be doing it on my own. He will be there. Every single step of the way.

If you have lost your way and you want faith back in your life, 
choose to believe that God hears your prayers! 
Choose to believe that He is in the little things in your life.
Those little things are most likely answers to your prayers.

I PROMISE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART THAT A DESIRE 
TO BELIEVE WILL MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

Believe that God is speaking to you!

Believe that He will lift you up when you can’t do it on your own!

Believe that the miracles come through the trials.

Believe that your desire to have faith will pay off!

Believe that the little things that make you smile, were sent just for YOU, from God!

He loves YOU and He is there for you. I wouldn’t have made it this far without Him. One day you too will look back and see just how far you have come and that God was there for you the ENTIRE time!

Give this talk, ‘ Lord I believe’, a listen, by Elder Holland. This is the talk I would rely on constantly when my faith wasn’t steady. I pray for you and your faith! Leave a comment below or send me an email if you would like me to pray for you by name.