Oftentimes it can feel like your teen is pushing you away, but really she may need some love and attention and doesn’t know how to ask for it or is feeling embarrassed in not knowing how to come to you. Above all, this is a really hard time in her life. She’s supposed to be able to deal with more on her own, and yet she is still craving that mother-daughter connection.
Here are some tips to help you navigate this journey. Although it can be a hard one, it is so well worth it. Treasure this time as you’ll look back and miss these days.
TO KNOW THEIR PARENTS ARE CONCERNED –
It’s common for teens to not show gratitude or any sort of appreciation that their parents care about their problems. But deep down EVERY SINGLE TEEN CARES & NEEDS THIS!!!
TO BE APART OF THE RULEMAKING –
A teen is much more likely to follow the rules and be excited about their own boundaries when they feel it is fair and they got to play a role in the process. Have family meetings often where they get to choose their own consequence for breaking a rule. It may surprise you that they may even go harder on themselves than you would have chosen.
Helicopter parenting never goes over well for you or her. She needs the freedom to be able to make her own choices and live the consequences of her choices. Although it will be painful at times, this is SO important for her self-esteem and her ability to learn and grow sooner rather than later.
YOUR INVOLVEMENT –
Do you play with your teen? If your daughter has goals of running a marathon, winning the spelling bee, or participating in the pageant. Are you involved and with her in the trenches? She craves this and needs this. Maybe you want to start running with her or maybe you can help her by rehearsing words with her at every stoplight.
A girl craves to know she is enough. Praise her and love her like I’m sure you already do. Never let a moment of criticism or correction pass by without praise added before and after. A girl knowing that her mom is proud of her and sees her as enough can’t be replaced by any boy, any friend, and any status. In the home is where her self-esteem is born and nurtured for life.
LESS NAGGING –
While we’re on this subject, self-esteem is vital and a huge part of a teen girl’s confidence. That confidence is created in the home at such a young age. Spanking, yelling, nagging, hitting, and profane language geared towards a child or teen has some long-term serious consequences. The more open communication you can create, the less this will even be an issue as you can build a strong layer of trust with one another.
FIVE MINUTES –
Life is busy for you as a mom, right? And even more so if you have more than one kid that is begging for your undivided attention. Start focusing on just FIVE MINUTES a day with each one of your children. Giving them your undivided attention without phones, TV, or no multi-tasking. Maybe you could make a quick snack together. Maybe you could play a really quick round of Uno. Or maybe you could go on a quick walk and just listen to how her day was. She simply just needs FIVE MINUTES a day of your undivided attention.
Teen girls are often known for “girl drama” right? While I don’t fully love that term because it makes girls seem over the top, I’m going to use it so we can get it on the same page. Girls feel deeply! They are emotional creatures and that is beautiful. But what that means is every experience they have, they are going to feel it deeply. Sometimes it can be easy to overlook it and think they are being so overdramatic. However, what they really need from you is to validate their pain.
A simple “Oh, I’m so sorry you’re going through that.” Or “That is a really tough challenge, you are so strong to be able to keep pushing through.” is honestly more powerful than words can express. When she feels validated by her mom, it once again boosts her self-esteem, shows her she has all the tools she needs to get through and helps her process these emotions so they don’t keep holding her back in the future.
Looking for more resources on how to be the parent your daughter needs.
This blog post by Jody Moore is beautiful.
Girls, is there something you wish you could add to this list and you want your voice heard? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will get your list added. Have a lot to say? You can write a guest post for us and be featured.